The Story of Us
by Smashmo
Summary: I dialed his number. it went straight to voicemail. Reality and bone crushing sorrow hit me harder than anything ever had; maybe even harder than my mother's death. It was over. I blew it and he was never going to talk to me again.
1. The End

****A/N:**** This is my first Castle story! I am so excited to write using these characters! Thank you so much for your interest if you're a first time visitor to my writing, and thank you so much for your support from those of you who have been following me with my Gilmore Girls and Bones stories!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Castle, or its characters. I am merely borrowing them for fun. I do not write for monetary gain, merely to explore the characters that we know and love so much!

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><p>I stepped into the steam of the shower and let the hot water ease my aching muscles. I stood for a long time under the spray. I didn't know when the water running down my face turned to tears and my chest started heaving in a sob. It felt as though all the air had been sucked out of the room and no matter how hard I tried, I could <em>not<em> gather a decent breath.

I sank to my knees on the tiled bathroom floor and allowed the water to pelt my back. Unaware of time, I sat and sobbed until my hiccupping slowed and I could breathe again. I stood back up and continued on with my shower.

I hate crying, period. But if I ever have to do it, I always aim for the shower. It's somehow less humiliating when the water and the tears mix and the sobs are drowned out by the roar of the water hitting the floor. It seems safe, controlled, far away from the rest of the world and the rest of my life.

After getting out of the shower and hastily dressing, I rummaged through my bag to find my phone. I dialed his number for what seemed the thousandth time that day. And for the thousandth time that day, it went straight to voicemail. Reality and bone crushing sorrow hit me harder than anything ever had; maybe even harder than my mother's death. It was over. I blew it and he was never going to talk to me again.

I am not one to let self pity swallow me and keep me from necessary things such as eating, sleeping and working. I typically bite back my feelings and use them as fuel on my cases. The only time I have ever let my own grief keep me from functioning was immediately after my mother's murder.

I weighed my options. This hurt at least as much as when I lost my mother. But unlike death, this loss does not include separation from the person forever; as in, I will still see him around. I could absolutely sit and wallow for a few days. A relationship that lasted for as long as this one most certainly deserved some wallowing. But then again, I wanted anything but to constantly think of him.

The more I thought, the more my options began to cross and mingle. Finally, no clear answer presented itself. I am usually a "Go! Do!" type of person, but for the first time in an eternity, I allowed myself to just sit. I did nothing but stare into space.

The buzzing of my cell phone brought me out of my hypnotism. I saw his name flash across the screen as the phone alerted me to a new text message. I felt tears welling up in my throat and wasn't sure if I really wanted to read what he had to say. Taking a deep breath to steel my nerves, I flipped the phone open.

_I know it seems I'm ignoring you. Not trying to…just don't know what to say. I just need some time. _

I felt the tears falling quickly down my face, one after another, after another. I sucked in a gasping breath and tried to calm myself, but another text buzzed an alert.

_I am so sorry, Kate._

I didn't know if I should reply after learning that he just needed some separation from me. Oddly enough, his texts gave me hope that I had not possessed before receiving them. He wasn't ignoring me or cutting me out completely. He wanted to talk but didn't know what to say.

Another buzz.

_I love you [always]._

My heart leapt in my chest. He still loved me. After everything and he still loved me. With my mind finally at ease, I allowed myself to settle down to bed an hour later. For the first time in days, I could breathe easily. I fell asleep easily and actually stayed asleep for the first time since the breakup.

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><p><strong>AN:** So who's the narrator, and who did she just break up with!

Please let me know what you think! I am fairly sure I will be continuing on with this story for a while because I have a LOT of pent up energy, frustration and creativity for these characters!

Reviews and follows are so greatly appreciated!

Lots of Love 3


	2. The Beginning

**A/N:** I am so, soooo sorry this has taken me so long to post! I've had tons of family in town and there's been a lot of craziness in my life. I know a few people were disappointed with the length of the first chapter, but it's kind of what I was aiming for. It was meant to be short, and sort of a teaser. This one is at least twice as long, so please enjoy!

I know that in my last a/n, I asked you all to guess the characters...and I made a mistake because the mystery texter referred to Kate by name. But for those of you who guessed that the guy is Castle, you're correct!

**Disclaimer:** Characters are not mine, but the story line is...so please don't take what isn't yours!

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><p>When I think back to when he first started working with me, I cannot believe how badly I treated him. I was frustrated and wanted nothing to do with him and I made sure he knew how unhappy I was that he was near. When I think back to when he first joined me, I also cannot believe what he went through and all he put up with to eventually be with me.<p>

He went through three years of agony to finally call me his own. He stayed ever faithfully at my side while I went through several boyfriends, knowing I didn't love them and knowing that I couldn't admit my love for him. If I had paid closer attention, I would have seen how much he cared for me. I would have seen every hurt gesture or look. I would have seen the times he reached out to me but recoiled for fear I would reject him.

He was always the utmost gentleman, never putting me in a situation that could draw questions to my character. When I was with another man, he always kept a respectable distance. I wish he knew how one of his simple, friendly touches could make me come unglued. His fingers on my arm could give me chills for an hour. His hand on the small of my back built a fire in my soul.

I was stupid and blind and didn't see that he was right in front of me, loving and wanting me every moment of every day. I was wasting time on shallow relationships. I was hiding myself from him. I didn't want him to look in my eyes and see the truth. I didn't want to truly be known by him. But I don't regret any of it. We were not ready for each other yet. We had too much to go through, too many close calls to experience before we truly appreciated one another. We had too much to fight against before we could just trust each other.

Now, every day I wake up next to him. My heart soars when he stirs from sleep and rolls over to me. His sleepy smile and groggy words always melt my heart. The way his warmth surrounds me completely, the way he kisses me, the way he knows exactly what I need…I never knew what I was missing.

It took a long time, a lot of suffering, a lot of stubbornness to get to this point. After I broke up with Josh, I knew he wanted to jump right in and claim me. But he waited. He waited an excruciatingly long time to ask me to dinner. When he finally did, I almost said no. But I thought that if I turned him down, he would walk out of my life and never come back.

I said _yes_ and nothing changed, not really anyway. He still annoyed me at work. He still acted like a 9-year-old on a sugar rush. He was still wondrously gentle with me. He still kept his distance at work, making sure to keep our reputations clean. He was still my best friend. We still fought and bantered. But at the same time, everything was so completely different.

Richard Castle truly saw me for the first time because I allowed him to. I allowed him to know my heart. The man who drove me crazy at work also drove me crazy at home, but in such a different way. The first time we kissed, I thought I would explode. His lips were soft and teasing. He didn't give more than just a gentle caress. But I felt hungry, insatiable. I pressed for more, trying to force him to give everything to me. Instead, he pulled away and brushed my hair out of my face, before saying goodnight and going home.

His playboy reputation had nothing on the true Rick Castle. He was gentle and kind. He respected every miniscule detail of our relationship. He didn't rush or force. He gave just enough and allowed me to have time to myself. He wasn't needy or clingy. He allowed me to dictate our time spent together. He was perfect.

~C&B~

***FLASHBACK***

"Kate, honey, we're going to be late." Rick calls from the kitchen.

Rolling my eyes, I quickly slip into my jeans and skitter out of the bedroom, holding my shoes in one hand. His eyes soften as he takes in my appearance. My hair is down and the soft curls fall into my face as I grab my purse. My lacy camisole is tucked under a soft sweater and I made sure to wear the jeans that hug my curves in just the right places.

Putting on my 'come and get me' pumps, I walk over to Rick and lean into his space.

"Ready to go, stud?" I ask teasingly, before allowing my breath to whisper over his lips.

He swallows visibly and places a hand to the small of my back. He can only smile as he guides me out the door. The drive to the restaurant is quiet. Allowing Rick to drive is something completely different for me, but I savor the feeling. Everything is still so new for me, for us.

Arriving at the restaurant, I wait as Rick rounds the car and opens my door. His broad smile makes me blush as he takes my hand and wraps an arm around my waist. I attempt to hide my smile, but I know he can see that I am practically glowing. No man has ever made me feel the way Rick makes me feel.

The conversation flows steadily as we work our way through the meal. When wine and dessert are offered, Rick politely declines and asks for the bill. He pays and quickly ushers me out the door. I am confused by his behavior; does he want to take me home already? Glancing at the clock on the dashboard of Rick's car, I see that it is only past ten o'clock. Though the relationship is new, I have been on enough dates to know that they don't typically end at ten, unless they are duds. Becoming nervous, I pick at the sleeve of my sweater. I can't bear to look at him; I'm too afraid of what I'll see in his eyes if I do. Shifting uncomfortably, I am surprised to hear him speak.

"I'm sorry I rushed us out of there. If you want wine and dessert we can go back to my place." He pauses and sighs as though he's just remembered something.

"Actually, Alexis has a friend over tonight and I think Mother will be home after her rehearsal." He reaches out to me and takes my hand.

"Kate?" He asks timidly. I look up slowly, embarrassed by my previous assumptions.

"I thought the date was a dud. I thought that you suddenly decided you didn't want me and were taking me home." As the words left my mouth, I only felt more stupid.

"No, Kate! I'm just…" He pauses again and I begin to feel my nerves calm as he becomes agitated. "You're driving me crazy in that lacy top and those delicious jeans." He shifts in his seat and allows his gaze to hungrily sweep over me.

I laugh out loud before leaning across the car and kissing him soundly. Resting my head on his shoulder, I loop my fingers through his. I stay quiet for a minute and assess the ramifications of what he's suggesting.

"Wine and dessert are good. And you know, I have an apartment too. You should remember it; you picked me up there." His quick smile reassures me and I continue.

"Well, it is kid and mother free…so we can go there if you'd like." His smile is vaguely reminiscent of the 9-year-old sugar rush face, so I know I've said something right. He puts the car into gear and pulls out of the restaurant parking lot.

We make a quick pit stop at the supermarket to acquire a bottle of white wine and a sinfully decadent chocolate cake. Pulling into the garage at my apartment, I feel my heart rate double in speed. The butterflies threaten to explode out of my stomach and I grip anything in reach to make the shaking in my hands subside. Rick smiles at me as he opens the car door and I take the ten seconds it takes him to round the car to steel my nerves. He offers me his hand and we walk to my building hand in hand.

As we reach my floor, the butterflies that had calmed flutter to life again. When we reach the door, the heart palpitations resume. As we take off our shoes and settle into the couch with the wine and cake, my hands begin to shake again. I pray Rick doesn't notice, but of course he does.

"Kate, there is no reason to be nervous. We don't have to rush anything; we will go with the flow and handle things as they come." Knowing he's not necessarily expecting anything instantly puts me at ease. I smile softly and lean into him.

We talk easily and are joking and laughing. We finish the wine and our slices of cake. Rick offers to rub my shoulders, knowing that work has been rough this week. As I settle into his touch, I feel my energy level drop to almost nothing. I feel my bones liquefy and my skin turn to fire in every place he touches. I allow moans of relief to escape as my tight muscles loosen. I know he's fighting himself because I feel him shift and clear his throat. His breathing is precise, like he's conjuring up self-control.

His hands become slower, like he is worshiping my body. He leans in closer and I gasp as his lips brush against the tender skin at my neck. He is so gentle and takes his time. I allow him to turn me around and pull me into his arms and I am amazed at how well our bodies fit together. I feel myself melt into him and he shifts down on the couch, pulling me directly on top of him.

He pays attention to each and every moan and gasp, almost as if he is making note of them for all the times to come. He moves agonizingly slow and although his hands drive me crazy, he doesn't remove any of my clothing. Eventually he pulls away and gently pushes on me, so that space is created between us.

"Kate, are you sure this is what you want? Dating you is one thing, but this is something completely different. If we do this, I can never go back to anything but having all of you. I can't be just your friend; I can't pretend nothing ever happened if you change your mind. I can't go back." His voice rises in near-hysteria.

"Rick, this is what I want. I want you and only you. Always."

My last word seems to be the promise he needs and he sits up, before picking me up wedding style and taking me into the bedroom.

***End of Flashback***

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><p><strong>AN:** Reviews please! I love to hear what my readers think!


	3. The Middle

**A/N: ** Yay for quick updates! Happy un-birthday to you all! Also, it's a shorty, but a goody!

**Disclaimer:** Characters= NOT mine. Story line= MINE.

Enjoy!

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><p>It is strange to me, when I think back to our beginning. It was easy and beautiful and more fun than I've ever had in my life. Rick helped me to open my heart to love and happiness. He made me laugh and I constantly felt warm all over; his love melted the ice around my heart. The adoration that Rick devoted to me sometimes stole my breath. I felt so giddy and so lucky to have a relationship like that…to have a man who loved me so completely.<p>

It was the middle that was more like what I've known in relationships. It was breathtaking and so wholly difficult. There was more to overcome than I've ever personally had to overcome. There were days when we didn't speak, didn't see each other. There was a week, when our only interaction was meals and chaste kisses.

Yes, the middle is what led us to the end.

~C&B~

We had been dating for roughly six months when I was called to a murder unlike any I've ever seen. It was a triple homicide committed by a family member. The family member was twelve years old.

Their story starts like so many often do; happy family gone wrong. The girl was frustrated with her parents because her younger sister received more attention than she did. She was jealous, angry and misunderstood.

In a calculated attack, she stabbed her father, strangled her mother and suffocated her eight-year-old sister. The mother was found in the kitchen, surrounded by a puddle of the father's blood. The little girl lay lifeless on the couch in the living room and the father was found face down on the carpet, only feet from a telephone.

The twelve year old fled the house and crashed at a friend's house, telling her everything that happened. When the girl fell asleep, the friend bravely called 911 and locked the girl in a room until police could collect her. She was terrified and shocked that her friend had committed such a heinous crime and felt as though she had betrayed her friend's trust.

Because of the nature of the murders, and the fact that they were pre-conceived and calculated, the girl was tried as an adult. As sad as it was for such a young girl to fall into the system, she was justly dealt three life sentences with no parole, and I didn't so much as shed a tear for the girl.

To kill people you love over something as idiotic as sibling rivalry tore at my heart. The girl was hurting and made some very bad choices, but she will have to live with her actions for the rest of her life.

To say that I was shaken up because of the case was an understatement. I didn't sleep for days and was in an almost catatonic state. I didn't eat or shower. I sat and stared into space. Rick was worried, more worried than I've ever seen him.

He tried everything to help me cope. He held me, talked to me, showered me in gifts, cooked for me, brought home ice cream, made love to me, and finally when nothing else worked; he left me alone.

It was that one act- him leaving me alone, that started this whole thing. He stopped trying, but it was only because I had stopped letting him in. We fell apart, and it was entirely my fault.

~C&B~

***FLASHBACK***

The phone rang. It rang and rang and rang. He didn't answer. I took a deep breath before leaving a message.

"Hey Rick, it's Kate. I really need to talk to you, so please call me back the moment you get this message."

Sighing deeply, I set the phone down and walked into the bathroom. My hair was sticking out in a thousand different places and I had deep purple circles under my eyes. My cheekbones looked sallow and my skin was a pasty gray.

I stripped my clothes and turned on the shower. Testing the water for warmth, I stepped in and closed the curtain. I allowed the steam to fill the shower and then the whole bathroom. I stood under the spray for a long time before I felt the tears start to well up and fall. I instantly felt stupid; I was strong and didn't cry over things like this. But I was so completely overwhelmed and had no idea what to do.

I quickly washed my hair and body and turned off the water. I stood still for a moment, mesmerized by the way the water flowed off my body in tiny rivulets. When a chill set into my bones, I ripped the curtain open and reached for a towel. Not paying attention, I pulled it to my face and was instantly hit with his scent. The musk of his skin, mixed with the sandalwood soap he used brought me to tears all over again. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. I wasn't supposed to be alone. He was supposed to be there, helping me, holding me, loving me.

After dressing, I tried his cell again and came up empty. I tried the house phone with the same result. Frustrated, I called Alexis.

"Kate?" Alexis sounded cautious and suspicious.

"Hey sweetie, is your dad there? I really need to talk to him but he isn't answering his phone or the house phone."

I heard Alexis sigh and open her bedroom door. She clomped down the stairs and turned the handle to what I presumed was his office.

"Kate, he's not here. He's not anywhere. But I promise I will make him call you the moment I do see him, okay?" Her voice was patronizing. In all the years I'd known her, Alexis had never patronized me.

"Thanks Lex." I allowed my worry to resonate through the silent phone line and refused to hang up until she either spoke again or hung up on me.

"Whatever, Kate." Patronized and then disrespected. I was floored.

"Bye kiddo." She sighed again and then the line went dead.

What on earth had he told her to make her so upset with me? Feeling a decision click into place in my head, I grabbed my keys and shoved my feet into some boots before sprinting to my car. He had to be _somewhere_ and I was going to find him.

~C&B~

"There you are, stranger!" I spoke warmly as I approached the booth he was stashed in.

He looked like hell and was nursing what seemed to be his sixth or seventh drink. He looked up at me through red rimmed eyes. His hair was mussed and his clothes were disheveled. I saw the pain behind his eyes and I felt my heart rip in half.

"I've been calling and looking for you everywhere." I sighed my relief and flopped into the seat across from him.

"I thought for sure you'd be at the Haunt…and this is honestly the last place I thought to look." His silence made me uneasy and I nervously tapped my fingers on the smooth, wooden table top.

"Rick, please. You can't just ignore me. We have to talk about this. And I have something so important to share with you." Rick laughed humorously and met my eyes in an intense gaze.

"You don't share anything with me, Kate; not anymore." The bitter edge in his voice stung as it hit me with the full force of the fight we were currently engaged in.

"You don't let me love you anymore. You push me away. You keep things from me and then get angry with me for not being forthcoming about every mundane detail of my life." He was practically spitting at me now.

"Your life, Rick? I thought we were in this together." I let him hear the pain in my voice. He cringed before chugging the remainder of brown liquid in his tumbler. He spoke as he held up the crystal glass and tapped his fingers on the table.

"We stopped being in this together when you stopped letting me in."

The bar tender appeared then, effectively killing the hurt rebuttal that played at the edges of my mouth, and handed him another drink before gathering the empty glasses on the table.

"Something for you, miss?" The man asked.

"Just club soda, please." The irony of the situation was not lost on me, or Rick. Rick's head snapped up and he shot me a questioning glare.

"What?" I shifted as his eyes raked over me.

"Club soda, are you kidding me?" He attempted to laugh but the sound was strangled in his throat as realization dawned on him.

"I just don't…I don't want…I'm driving home and shouldn't drink." The words sounded lame, even to me, as they frantically escaped my mouth.

"Oh my god, Kate. Are you—" his voice cut out before he cleared his throat and took a sip of his drink.

"You're pregnant, aren't you?"

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><p><strong>AN:** Haha, sorry for the cliffie. It was the perfect stopping place for this chapter. I know exactly what's coming and already have the outline for the next chapter. To be fair to all my lovely readers, this story will be ending in just a few chapters...not more than two or three. I've been in a very "short-story" mood lately. But not to worry, you will know the entirety of the story line and won't be left hanging!

Please review, because reviews=love and love=equals a happy writer and a happy writer=more frequent updates. I have been trying to reply to every review, but I apologize profusely if I haven't replied to you...not intentional at all!


	4. The Story

**A/N: ** Hello my lovely readers! Sorry for the delay in the update. I have been busy, busy with some beta-ing. I also moved back to school this week and have been out of town the last three weekends. Whew, everything is a rush at the end of summer break, huh? As I was thinking back over the chapters I've written, I've decided to up my rating. I meant to keep it K+ but things got steamy in ch 2. Oops...

**Disclaimer:** Not mine, blah, blah, blah...

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><p>I looked at Rick, blazing him with my eyes. He had to know how difficult this was for me.<p>

"Yes. I'm pregnant." Rick grunted and glared at me.

"Is it mine?" I looked down as the question seared through me.

"Of course it's yours, Rick." My voice quivered and he leaned toward me.

"I'm so sorry Rick…for everything." He leaned even closer and it was then that I could smell the alcohol radiating off of him.

I looked deep into his eyes and saw the vulnerable pain that lingered there. I had done irreparable damage to the only man I had ever truly loved and I had no idea how to fix it. I reached out and gingerly touched his cheek. His five o'clock shadow was scratchy under my fingers. I was concentrating on the feel of his skin when I felt wetness invade the space I touched. Looking up, I saw that he was crying; my heart split down the center.

Climbing out of my seat, I rounded the table and squished in beside Rick. I wrapped my arms around him and sobbed out my apologies and endearments. I needed him to know that I knew what I had done and that I would do everything in my power to make it right again. I was surprised when he clutched onto me. His grip was tight, as though I was going to slip from his hands. He twisted around and brought my face into the crook of his neck.

He wept into my hair while I wept into his shoulder. We drank each other in and allowed the salt pouring out of our eyes to be the healing balm to our hearts. I'm not sure how long we sat in the bar holding each other, but that was the first night we spent together in over three weeks.

~C&B~

I woke up the next morning, unsure of where I was. When I felt his warm body against my back and the heaviness of his arm draped over my waist, I remembered I was with Rick and that everything was going to be okay.

Warmth spread through me and a smile planted itself on my face. I snuggled in deeper and sighed in contentment. Nothing was perfect but we had taken the first steps toward healing our broken relationship.

He stirred behind me and he gripped me tighter. I heard him breathe in my hair and I knew without looking that he was awake…and smiling.

"Good morning." His sleepy voice mumbled into my neck. I giggled and turned so I was face to face with him.

"A very good morning indeed!" He smiled at my morning cheer and his hand made its way to my stomach. He pressed a flat palm to my skin and looked deeply into my eyes.

"This doesn't mean everything is fixed. It just means that I'm on my way to forgiving you. We are on the way to recovery, okay?" He sounded so sincere that my head nodded of its own accord.

"Rick, I…" my voice cracked as tears flooded my throat.

"I'm so sorry. For everything." It came out in a whisper.

"Shh, Katie. We have time to figure this out. Let's just enjoy this moment before we have to face our problems." His hands on my skin dissolved the worry from my heart and I cuddled against him before we were pulled from bed to start a new day.

~C&B~

*FLASHBACK*

"Rick, I really can't do this right now."

"Do what, Kate? Be in this relationship?" Rick was following me around the bull pen. We were arguing after everyone had gone home.

"No, you know what I mean." He was hot on my tail and I stopped abruptly, causing him to run into me.

"You have to talk to me. We are in this together, you and me, remember?"

"I have work to do and I think you should leave." The ice in my voice melted the earnest expression off of his face and his hand dropped from its position on my arm.

"I'll see you at home then?" I shrugged and tossed my hair over my shoulder, turning my back to him. I heard him sigh, followed by a long moment of silence. His retreating footsteps alerted me to his departure and I turned back to my desk.

I dove into the mountain of paperwork atop my desk to stave off the tears that threatened to overtake me. Working choked the waterfall back just enough that I could allow my heart to go numb as my pen mindlessly scrawled across page after page of legal documents.

Halfway through, I realized that tears were flowing down my face without my permission. I stopped writing and sat back in my chair. Allowing the memories that were haunting me to surface, I let myself have a good cry.

I was startled when I heard footsteps. Thinking they belonged to Rick, I quickly wiped my face and prepared for battle. I was surprised when Lanie popped her head around the corner.

"Hey girl. I thought I heard someone blubbering up here. What's eating you?" I rolled my eyes at her laid-back demeanor and cleared the used tissues off my desk.

"Rick and I are fighting." Her grin was replaced with an angry grimace.

"Before you light your torch and grab your pitchfork, hear me out." She settled into a chair and propped her feet up.

"It's my fault." I let my admission sink in before continuing.

"I walk around with the weight of the world on my shoulders. And all Rick asks of me is to allow him to carry some of the burden. He just wants me to talk to him, and I don't." Lanie's eyebrows rose to her hairline.

"It's not that I don't want to talk to him, because I do. It's just…he knows me, completely. He knows the Kate Beckett who hides behind the badge; the Kate who is hurt and scarred from her mother's death and is scared to love again for fear of losing everything all over again." I took a breath and allowed my words to sink in. When Lanie said nothing, but nodded her head, I knew she was ready to hear more.

"He's so patient with me. He lets me brood and tells me that he's there when I'm ready to talk. He loves me completely, for the crazy, screwed up person that I am. And I've never been loved like that before so it kind of freaks me out." Lanie nodded, so I continued.

"I started to resent him for being so loving and open and honest. Because even though I try so hard to be all of that, I just can't be. He expects me to just be able to be and do all those things right away and I can't. I'm learning and growing, but I can't be that overnight." Lanie's hand shot up and I knew to stop there.

"So what you're saying is that you've got all this emotional baggage to work through and he expects you to be a pro at handling it because he seems to be. So you resent him for that and because of that resentment, you stopped talking to him?"

Coming from Lanie's mouth, it all sounded so trivial. But I knew what I felt and I knew I had to figure it all out.

"I didn't just stop talking to him. I stopped being in a relationship with him." Lanie gasped.

"You broke up with him? But you're perfect together!"

"No, Lanie. We're still technically together. But in every other way that counts, I've stopped being in a relationship with him. I don't talk to him. I don't spend time with him. We definitely don't have sex anymore. We don't play, or laugh or touch. We are basically roommates."

I sighed deeply and leaned my head against my desk.

"Lanie, I don't know what to do." I felt, and sounded pathetic.

"I can't tell you how to fix this. Only you know how to do that. But fix it quick. Writer boy waited too long for you to have you screw everything up. He won't wait forever."

With a squeeze to my shoulder, she left me to my thoughts and my never ending pile of paperwork. I contemplated what to do. I could go home and hash everything out with Rick. But I was exhausted and just needed some sleep.

~C&B~

I knew it was the wrong thing to do the moment the key slipped into the lock. I knew I should close the door and turn around when the deadbolt tumbled open. I knew I should at least call him to let him know where I was the moment my foot stepped over the threshold. But I was a woman possessed. I had one goal in mind and it was to sleep; in a bed far, far away from him.

The apartment was musty from not being used in so long. Rick had asked me to cancel my lease since I moved in with him and Alexis at the loft. I told him I would and neither of us ever brought it up again. I lied…that was one more thing to add to the growing list of why I sucked.

I felt oddly relieved to be in my own space again. I walked to the bedroom and flicked on the light. It was exactly as I left it. The bed was made, some clothes hung in the closet, and one of Rick's books was still on the bedside table. I glanced back at the bed; the one that Rick had only slept in once. It looked so fluffy and inviting and I knew without a doubt that I would sleep well without him.

I toed off my shoes and stripped off my pants. I threw the extra pillows to the floor and crawled under the fluffy duvet. The cold sheets greeted my skin in a soft caress and I instantly felt at home. It was in that moment that I decided not to go back to Rick's loft. It was then that I decided I didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. And it was then, in those sweet moments before sleep, that I decided I would break up with the love of my life at the first chance I got. Everything had gotten complicated and I was cutting my losses and running.

*END OF FLASHBACK*

~C&B~

Later on, after Rick and I had rolled out of bed and gone about our daily business, I sat at my desk drinking the coffee he brought for me. I toyed with the lid and thought through the events of the last few months. I had screwed up, royally. And I spent the night at Rick's, even though we aren't together anymore. I am carrying his baby and we aren't together anymore. I am drinking his "together coffee" and we aren't together.

Why aren't we together? Looking up, I see Rick walk in.

"Rick, can I talk to you?" My voice is urgent. He looks confused, so I grab him by the cuff of his shirt and drag him into the ladies restroom. I lock the door behind us and press myself against the secured door. His face is bewildered. He has no idea what I'm about to say. I take a deep breath and put him out of his misery.

"Are we back together?" It comes out much more quickly than I planned. He falters, clears his throat and stutters through a reply.

"We are. If you want to be. If you don't…we – uh…" I close the distance between us and crash my lips against his. I pour my yearning and hurting into the kiss. I let him feel my soul.

We pull apart and he's breathless. The tears in my eyes say all he needs to know and he wraps himself around me. He breathes me in and squeezes me tightly. He strokes my hair and nuzzles into my neck.

As we pull apart and prepare to head back into the bull pen, he grabs my hand and turns me to face him. Stroking my cheek and wrapping a strand of hair behind my ear, he gives me one of his breath stealing, heart melting, knee quaking smiles. And it's right then that I know we're going to be okay.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Love? Hate? Tell me what you think. I think this story wrapped itself up quite nicely. Oh, I forgot to tell you? This is the end. This is where the end of the road is for this particular story line. Let me know your opinion or questions. Peace and love and thanks for reading!


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